WASHINGTON (WNB) - What started out as a promotion for Michelle Obama's partnering with Sesame Street, Produce Marketing Association, and Partnership for a Healthier America, turned ugly Thursday when the First Lady nearly choked to death Elmo and Rosita.
Sources say Mrs. Obama had "been into" the White House Halloween candy when she demonstrated her familiar muscle-popping flex, unfortunately while embracing the hapless puppets. "She was all jacked up on milk chocolate and peanut butter," said one shaken witness.
White House spokesman Jay Carney admitted Mrs. Obama may have had "one or two" peanut butter cups, but insisted the rampage was "more coffee-related."
Elmo was taken to an area hospital in serious condition, while Rosita was treated at the scene.
WASHINGTON (WNB) - Health and Human Services head Kathleen Sebelius has become the hottest thing this Halloween. Chinese and South Korean manufacturers reportedly cannot keep up with the heavy U.S. demand for masks and costumes featuring the creepy Obamacare screw-up.
SAN FRANCISCO (WNB) - The Obama administration has announced the United States Postal Service will issue a stamp next year honoring homosexual sexual predator/pedophile and politician, Harvey Milk.
The stamp will be the first in a series celebrating sexual perversion in America entitled "Famous Sodomites."
A transgendered bisexual USPS spokesperson called the series "a statement of President Obama's vision for America." Future USPS plans call for commemorative stamps honoring late-term abortion and atheism.
LANDOVER, Maryland (BHN) - Washington Redskins majority owner Dan Snyder confided Thursday that he feels uncomfortable saying the word "Costa."
During an interview with radio station Sports Talk 570, Snyder said using the the word "dishonors those who died in the tragic sinking of the Costa Concordia last year." He added, "And in my opinion, using the plural version is even worse," clearly referring to NBC sportscaster Bob Costas.
Costas has recently been a vocal critic of the name "Redskins," calling on the team to change the name to "some other type of skins."
WASHINGTON (BHN) - In its continuing effort to remove heterosexual influences from the nation's military, the Obama administration is pressuring the US military to adopt "unisex" clothing and uniforms.
The Pentagon released photos of the new uniforms for the Marines, which will be the first branch to get them (below).
LONDON (BHN) - Prince George was christened Tuesday in a solemn, yet meaningless ceremony at St. James's Palace.
Sources say the young royal seemed "completely ignorant of anything remotely pertaining to Christ," and instead appeared to be happy "picking his nose, puking, drooling, and repeatedly shitting himself."
Dressed in a handmade replica of Queen Victoria’s daughter’s christening robe, the royal lad appeared to be well on his way to being, at the very least, a cross-dressing pervert.