BIG HAIRY NEWS - News at the speed of typing™
Baltimore Receives Award
A skyrocketing murder rate coupled with crumbling infrastructure, record welfare, rampant corruption and breathtaking mismanagement placed Baltimore ahead of St. Louis, Chicago, and even Detroit to win this year's Liberal Utopia award (below), according to the Democratic National Committee (DNC) on Wednesday.
"I feel like it's our time to shine," said Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh upon hearing the news.
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Saudis Deny Lips Found In Embassy Are Khashoggi's
A Saudi spokesman said that a pair of lips found inside their consulate in Turkey "has no connection whatsoever" to missing journalist Jamal Khashoggi. The bloody lips were discovered in a planter by a Turkish forensic team allowed to search the building.
"We know there were accidents during the construction of this building - to not find body parts would be newsworthy."
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Trump Threatens Immigrant Mob
An angry President Trump warned the growing group of immigrants marching toward the US border that he may settle them in the city of Baltimore if they enter the country.
"They thought they lived in a dangerous shithole back home - they have no idea," Trump told reporters Thursday morning.
Senator Chuck Schumer (RTRD-NY) condemned the threat, calling the proposed move "a death sentence."
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