CHALUPA, Mexico (Big Hairy News) - Bowing to the Trump administration, the Mexican government last week offered full-time employment, free housing, and a year's worth of food to every migrant marching toward the United States.
A spokesman for the migrants quickly refused the offer, saying, "If we wanted to live in a filthy, violent third-world shithole eating greasy food, we wouldn't have left home."
In apparent preparation for the arrival of the migrants, the US government on Monday ordered 10,000 hedge trimmers, 5000 lawnmowers, 5000 backpack blowers, and 8000 maid uniforms delivered to South Texas, while banning the sale of spray paint within 100 miles of the border until further notice.
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