BIG HAIRY NEWS - More than 50 years after some unknown man apparently boned a monkey and it became one of the most devastating viruses to affect mankind, HIV remains a stubborn adversary. While treatment has improved dramatically over the past 20 years, the disease remains uncurable - at least until now.
Scientists doing HIV research at the University of California San Francisco believe they've identified a cure that promises to be 99% effective. "We're cautiously optimistic, but all indicators are that this disease could be completely eradicated if homos would stop pounding each other in the butt," professor Dr. Hajamet Patel told an HIV/AIDS symposium on Thursday.
Questions of how to institute the cure still remain, with recommendations ranging from killing all male homosexuals to simply removing their penises - a method strongly favored by transgender researchers who claim the penises could be recycled.
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