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NFL Game Moved From Mexico City
The Rams and Chiefs will not be playing in Mexico City on Monday night as planned according to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell:
"Unfortunately, the field conditions at Taco Bell Stadium in Mexico City are not up to our standards, and we understand that their entire groundskeeping crew was seen climbing the border wall in Tijuana yesterday, so, you know, it's not going to happen."
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Ocasio-Cortez Does Washington
Congresswoman-elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (RTRD-CA) spent her first day in Washington, D.C. putting her socialist ideology to work by looking for a handout from well-dressed people on the street.
After striking out, she dropped in on a climate change protest at Nancy Pelosi's office where sources say she did a reach-around on a copier repairman for a few dollars and half a Chalupa, which she then donated to 'the climate.'
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Lewinsky: I Didn't Notice Bill's Special Sauce On My Dress
Monica Lewinski told an interviewer that she did not realize that President Bill Clinton had stained her dress after an intimate encounter in a White House bathroom.
"I literally had no idea Bill splooged my dress. My face, my hair, my shoes, the walls and ceiling - yes, but I did not know about the dress."
Lewinsky said she wore the dress to a dinner party that night (below) and when she noticed the stain a few days later, assumed she had been 'repeatedly sprayed with gravy.'
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